SXSW NSFW The computational dildo liberation army (CDLA) has called out device makers for creating boring old kit that just doesn't get the job done. The dildo patrol want to see more creative devices and an influx of open source effort around sex toys.
Attendees at the SXSW conference here listened for over an hour on Sunday as so-called teledildonics experts went on a journey through "Sex and Computational Technology". A couple of the panelists reckoned that a company akin to the Microsoft of Dildos exists, which closed off its teledildonics patent stash from competitors. The end result is a bunch of clunky, latex filled gear that leaves the operator and her virtual partner feel like they're mating with an outboard motor through a fax machine.
"It's like trying to f#k your printer driver," said Kyle Machulis, a teledildonics expert, employee of Linden Lab, and editor of Slashdong.org, about the state of computerized dildos' software interfaces.
Machulis proved the most entertaining panelist by some margin, as he waved around a bowling pin-sized vibrator and then later tossed out disposable vaginas with "tight" and "tighter" settings to members of the audience. He also stood out as the most aggressive critic of current devices.
For example, Machulis went after the Talking Head Vibrator from My Little Secret, which plants an MP3 player inside of the vibrator. You can make your own sound recordings for the device or pick from My Little Secret's rather sad list of MP3s.
Here we have a MP3 of Bergen the German Mountain Man's dulcet tones. Or perhaps you prefer Wild Will and Tough Tony.
Cleary, not the stuff of which dreams are made.
Thankfully, open source types have cracked into the teledildonics field with new entries such as the Drmn' Trance Vibrator. This is an almost, er, pocket-sized device with an open software interface. "The Drmn' Trance Vibrator is a USB-controlled vibrator designed for use with Rez, an audiovisual shooter game for the PlayStation 2," you're told. " If you have some experience with C/C++ (or any computer language you can use to access a computer's USB port), you can write your own vibrator control application."
Machulis has some curious and frankly near incomprehensible ideas about other avenues.. At the moment, he's exploring the idea that you can "use waves to get patterns to get you off". Horny programmers would then also create "obfuscated macros" of sounds that satisfy them. They could upload these sounds onto their inhouse teledildonics gear and then a remote user could trigger the sounds.
"Then you can get off with the other person without them knowing what you like," Machulis said.
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/03/12/sxsw_teledildonics/
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